Monday, June 20, 2011
this will be one of the last times--if not the last time--i write about you here.
i spent this past weekend aching for you. literally. reclined on my bed, protected by my comforter and sheets, staring at the ceiling, feeling a burn in the center of my chest.
because i still
but will never be able to tell you again because i cannot face the pain that you might not love me back anymore.
even though it feels like we are still "team eleven," only living in separate dimensions. because that love we shared? it will never, ever go away. that history we wrote? it is written in stone. that connection we forged? it is bound by steel.
maybe you've already forgotten about me. moved on.
maybe you visit here every so often.
i will never know.
but i do know this:
even though you hurt me---oh, you hurt me!--even though i lost so much trust in you,
i love you, r. i don't know where you are, or what you're doing, but you are in my heart and mind and thoughts and memories and deepest-parts-of-me, every. single. day. i cannot let you go. i don't know how. but i know i have to. somehow.
i am so, so sorry.
i love you.