Monday, June 13, 2011

peeking through.

I spent some time with my friend Vivian on Saturday. Don't know Vivian? Well, you should. This girl is my heart. We met a couple of years ago when I hired her as a student assistant in the department where I work. She's my age--was older than traditional undergraduates, which is one reason I hired her. Maturity goes a long way in my book. Anyway, we hit it off immediately. She helped me start the Secret Agent L Project and is now taking it over for the time being while I remain off the grid.

And spending time with her on Saturday reminded me that I still need a little bit of connection to the outside world while I'm "in my cocoon" (as she calls it). I was reminded how fulfilling and calming it is to spend time with a friend you love and trust so completely. My friend Joe, who used to live in Pittsburgh, was visiting from his new home in Seattle, and coincidentally was staying across the street at his friend's house. Across the street! So Vivian and I hung out with Joe and his friends on Saturday, enjoyed some delicious grilled hot dogs, chips, salsa, and beer, and played the hilarious "Would You Rather" game until the sun set behind the trees. Then she and I made our way to a coffee shop, talked shop a bit, and called it a night. I felt relaxed. And proud of myself for peeking my head out of my cocoon while simultaneously continuing to protect myself.

I'm big on protecting myself these days. (See: walls of steel)

My friend Drew is coming into town tonight from Madison, Wisconsin. Another good person who I will enjoy spending some much-needed time with. But then, after he leaves, I'll go back into my cocoon, close up the seam, and continue to protect myself and heal from my heart's hurt. 

And maybe, just maybe, someday my heart won't hurt quite as much.

Baby steps.

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