Saturday, March 06, 2010

oh yes i did.

When I was in middle school, I was friends with a girl named Robin. Robin with an "i". She was gorgeous: blond, tan, blue-eyed. I was, well, not: tall, lanky, hairy-armed, brunette. She pegged her jeans, wore Vuarnet, and had an older sister, Mickey, who was just as gorgeous and looked nothing at all like a mouse. I never really understood why Robin was friends with me. But she was. We hung out a lot, as a matter of fact. She was, if I remember correctly, my very best friend in sixth grade.

Robin and I had one thing in common, though, despite our polar opposite appearances and coolness factors: we were both gymnasts. When I was younger, I was obsessed with gymnastics. I was on the local gymnastics team. I could do handstands and round-offs and the uneven bars with the best of them. But I had secret weapon: I was extremely flexible. Almost to the point of circus freakishness.

I used to be able to stand in a doorway and put one leg up against the frame, perfectly parallel to it, as if I was doing the splits standing up. I used to be able to bend my body, exactly like the photo above, in an instant. Some people actually referred to me as a human rubberband.

One day, after school, I went over to Robin's house. Her mom wasn't home, but Mickey was. And so were some of Mickey's totally cool high school friends. They were in, like, the tenth grade. And that made them rock stars in my eyes. And some of her friends that were over were boys.

I know! Boys!

Robin and I were hanging out in her bedroom when Mickey yelled for us to come into the living room where she and her friends were sitting on multiple couches, watching television.

"Hey, Laura," Mickey said. "Do that bendy thing you do. You know, where you put your legs over your head." (See photo above.)

I couldn't believe The Rock Star had spoken to me, let alone requested me to show off my super secret weapon. I was so nervous, though, because they were all! so! cool!

Robin gave me the nod of approval, so two of Mickey's friends (boys!) moved the coffee table out of the way and prepared a performance space for me. I got into position, took a deep breath, and swung my legs over my head, just like in the photo above.

And then I farted.

No, really. I farted.

In front of Robin, in front of Mickey, in front of all of her totally cool high school friends.

And they all burst out laughing.

"Oh, my God! Did she just fart?!" they cackled. "I think she totally just farted!"

Trying to be super cool like everyone else there, I tried to play it off.

"No, I didn't," I tried to convince them. "I made that noise with my mouth, see?" And then I actually tried to mimick the farting sound with my little sixth grade mouth. And failed miserably, of course.

"Dude!" one guy yelled. "She totally farted!"

Needless to say, it was at the moment that I called my mom and asked her to come pick me up immediately. I hid in Robin's room until she arrived, trying to act cool and as if nothing unusual or embarrassing had happened.

I am so thankful that I am no longer that flexible.

with love from Pittsburgh,

{and no, that isn't me in the photo above}

3 lovely bits o' feedback.:

krista said...

this story is yet another reason i have such a crush on you.

Duel Living said...

My big sister used to give me atomic wedgies in front of her "cool friends". I feel your pain girlie...I feel your pain.


Your New Best Friend, Linda. said...

Can you hear me laughing????? I've given you a "Kewl Blog" Award. But I'm enough of a noob, I don't know how to post it over here....

And it wouldn't matter about the rest of your blog-ness. This post gets it's own award.

Tears in my eyes.