Thursday, April 29, 2010


The Ross-a-tron is pretty hilarious. It's one of the reasons I love him so much. I can't imagine another man who could make me laugh like him. Life can be so hard and so painful, but if you have someone by your side who can crack you up so much that you fart and cry at the same time? You've got a gold mine, my friends.

Enter the Ross-a-tron.

Sometimes when I'm feeling confused or down, I ask myself, "What would the Ross-a-tron do?" Usually, the answer is: drink water.

No. Really. He drinks a lot of water.

So, sometimes I find myself walking towards the fridge, cup in hand, ready to drink some of the stuff. Because it really does fix a lot of things. Headache? Drink some water. Fatigued? Drink some water. Gassy? Drink some water. Upstairs neighbors being too noisy? Drink some water. Can't find your other shoe? Drink some water.

Other times, he does this little dance. He's pretty shy about it, because he doesn't really like to show anyone his hot dance moves, but when he does, OMG I'M DYING FROM THE CUTENESS. And so, sometimes I dance. If I'm feeling fussy. If I've managed not to leave a stack of dirty dishes on the counter. If there's more than one cookie left in the box.

Often, the Ross-a-tron eats. Ice cream. Like a professional. I've never met anyone in my life who could put away a bowl of ice cream like him. I'm all "tiny bites, tiny bites" and he's all "INHALE." It makes me laugh. He's adorable with his ice cream. So I've now taken to buying Breyer's Cookies n' Cream ice cream more regularly. There's a good show on TV? Get the ice cream. I hit all the green lights on the way to work? Get the ice cream. I didn't use the last of the toilet paper? Get the ice cream.

If he puts on a tiny hat, even though we're in our thirties and standing in the middle of a toy store on a Saturday afternoon, then I put on a hat. I mean, c'mon. He has some pretty great ideas.

That's what the Ross-a-tron would do.

with love from Pittsburgh,

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