Sunday, April 25, 2010

still hiding.

I stayed in bed most of yesterday. The depression was more debilitating than the previous days. I did manage to go to therapy in the morning, as well as eat a little bit. But most of the day was spent sleeping, hiding in the folds of my sheets and blankets, surrounded by mountains of pillows that functioned as a fortress to keep out the light and the day. The Ross-a-tron called several times, worried because he hadn't heard from me. My poor mom has been texting and calling, and all I can do is leave her a voicemail that says I'm depressed and not really wanting to talk.

I think I slept for two-thirds of the day yesterday. So tired. I was so, so tired. My body felt so heavy and achy, and my eyes felt droopy. And my mind just didn't want to deal. With anything. At all. Except sleep.

And today the sun is shining, and I'm still in bed, but I might just go to Mass at noon. And I'm hungry, and my cupboard is officially bare, so I think I'll have to do something about that. I'm still depressed, and I feel all balled up, but I do have to eat. So I will venture out into the world today for just a little bit so that I can take care of myself.

I know this will pass. It always does. But for now, I just want to continue hiding.

4 lovely bits o' feedback.:

krista said...

here's my advice:
take a shower. go to the grocery store. come home and force yourself to clean something/organize something. you won't feel like doing it. (i'm talking something like cleaning out the silverware drawer. something minimally involved.) and make sure you get some sun on your face. even if it is only for five minutes. it will feel like it is blinding you but it helps, even if you don't feel it right away.
put these goals on a piece of paper. cross them off after you've done them.
sometimes a little sense of accomplishment is the kindest we can be to ourselves.
am i making any sense or is my crazy bleeding all over your page?

Skeptical Czarina said...

oh girl :( please if you need to chat or anything call me :(

Duel Living said...

Take the time you need...feeling pushed always makes me feel more angry and depressed. But do find the sunshine...the light on your face my help you heart as well. And let me know if you need anything....a can of Boston Baked Beans???? I can do that. A Ferrari...not so much!

Hoping you feel clear soon,

MaryBeth said...

Wow, I just read this at 2:33 pm while in bed with 4 pillows and 2 comforters. It is exactly how I feel today. Just like you I know this will pass but mine is a little different it was caused by a terrible migraine yesterday and I am afraid if I move it will instantly come back (always happens). So here I sit waiting for tomorrow because today would be just too hard. Hope you are better.