Friday, January 01, 2010

a love letter. ish.

Dear 2010:

I realize this is our first date and all, but if I may be so bold as to say good heavens! You look lovely! All shiny and fresh with your new-ness and sparkle-y-ness! You really spiffed yourself up for me, didn’t you? Wait, is that Aqua di Gio I smell? Aw, shucks! You shouldn’t have!

I appreciate you coming to pick me up and all, seeing as though you have Many Other People I’m sure you’re going to want to date. But I still feel special, you showing up here for me today.

Before we embark on this date (which we both know will inevitably turn into—gasp!—a relationship), I just want to lay some ground rules. I’m sure you’re aware that I’ve been in relationships with many of your friends (i.e. 2006: a little too intellectual; 2007: a little too physically aggressive; 2009: the relationship from hell), but I promise you that I will be fully committed to our relationship…well, at least for 12 months. Anyway, I think many of those previous relationships didn’t work out so well because I didn’t lay any ground rules. Silly me.

So, yes. The Ground Rules for us:

1. I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t suck. In general. Just be nice to me. I realize that we’ll have some moments of bickering, but if you could just go easy on me for the most part, I’d be Seriously Appreciative.

2. In February, if you could, you know, not give me the gift of the Big C upon completion of my mammogram, I’ll love you forever. And maybe even show you my boobs, despite it being early in our relationship.

3. Don’t hog the jobs. I know you’re, like, a hot shot, being new and shiny and all, and that those facts ultimately make you Very Attractive to employers, but if you could share the goods (particularly with some people very close to me), I might let you see my boobs a second time. C’mon. That’s a pretty sweet deal.

4. I don’t want to have to pay for everything. I’m not made of money, you know. I’m not asking you to be my Sugar Daddy (because, well, that would just be weird), but I am asking you to contribute your fair share. That means: I work hard, you reward me. It’s a rather simple equation. And you seem smart enough.

5. Don’t be afraid to show me some affection. (See #1, 2, & 4.)

6. I realize that you’re probably going to be in relationships with A Lot of other people. Fine. I’ve accepted this up front. But at least be nice to them, too.

7. If you’re going to dig up my past relationships and the pains associated with them, please be gentle. If you want to know more about them, be patient. And help me be courageous when dealing with them. It’s only fair.

8. Please listen to and acknowledge my needs. I know you might not be able to meet, but if you could at least validate them, then I think we’ll have a pretty solid foundation.

9. Sometimes I might cry about us. Feel free to take it personally.

10. We’re probably only going to last about 12 months, so don’t even think for a second that you’re going to get to third base.

with love from Pittsburgh,

4 lovely bits o' feedback.:

Duel Living said...

Could you share 2010 with me? I can't promise flowers...and definately not boobs...but maybe, just maybe...if 2010 goes easy on me...I will promise to go easy on the rest of the world.
Happy New Year!

krista said...

and i would steal it except, who am i kidding?
i would totally let 2010 get to third base.
probably by the end of the first month.
i know, i know.

Akirah said...

Hahah! I dunno about you, but if I ended up winning the lottery, I may consider letting 2010 get to third base.

Just sayin'.

pearlywhitegirl said...