Friday, September 11, 2009

how?

I do not know how I will survive this loss.

Somehow, I am managing to get out of bed, to bathe, to eat, to get to work.

But it is all in a haze of shock and utter grief.

I do not know how I will survive this loss.

But I must. I think of those who lost loved ones on 9/11. I've been thinking about that all day today. What right do I have to feel so paralyzed and grief-stricken, when my loved one is still alive?

But he is gone. And that is still a loss.

And so I do not know how I will survive it.

10 lovely bits o' feedback.:

Petunia Face said...

I don't think you need to know how yet, just that you will. You are and you will.

Thinking of you :)
xo,
S

Randall @ Happy For This Moment said...

Thinking of you too. As my mother always says, "one day at a time, dear."

Anonymous said...

I'm just so glad you posted again. Still praying for you.

Deborah

A reader said...

You're stronger than even you know.

krista said...

it sounds so ridiculous for me to tell you that you will.
but, honestly, you will.
we are designed for survival. and those moments of despair are not stronger than you. they feel as though they are, i know. but they are not. that is the one absolute i know in life.
when a heart breaks, it mends itself. sometimes it takes a whole lot of time and a shit ton of bad decisions, but then we learn how to heal ourselves and how to take care of our cracks and breaks and we keep moving.
whatever you do, promise me this:
get out of bed every single day, take a shower every single day, put on makeup and get dressed every single day. even if you don't leave the house. get yourself ready for the day, do not falter in this. you will start to feel better sooner, this much i believe.
and when you find yourself not knowing what to do to fill your time, clean our your refrigerator, organize your kitchen cabinets, scrub your bathtub.
you will be amazed how healing this can be.
(and i only suggest this because i've tried the alternative and it's just that much harder to get out of.)

Darcey said...

I've been thinking of you every day.

Anonymous said...

you have every right to feel paralyzed and grief stricken. you have every right to cry and scream and feel helpless and empty right now, whether it's 9/11 or the fourth of july. your loss is still your loss and you are entitled to mourn it. and i hope you do, thoroughly, but i hope you don't lose yourself or your ability to love and trust and laugh while you are mourning.

i hope you take this time to take care of YOU.

Lynnetta said...

You and I have never met, I only know you through your words on the internet. I don't know if words from a stranger do anything to help but I wanted to let you know that my heart hurts for you. I do not even know what to say that would sound comforting. It's ok to grieve, it's ok to hurt, it's ok to be furious, it's ok to cry. And I pray that your heart hurts a little less each day.

innocentvision said...

You have every right to feel paralyzed and grief-stricken! You have lost something meaningful to you. Do not punish yourself by trivializing the pain and feeling guilty for it. Your pain has no less value than any other's. Your life and world has been changed and turned upside down and it's irrelevant to quantify it against others. Loss of love is devastating no matter what form it comes in.

I know it's hard to even hear encouraging words because they feel so forced and simplified but... hang in there. You've suffered a loss but don't loose yourself in the process. Your pain is a credit to how deeply you can feel and how deeply you love so try to find inspiration in that. You have so much to give and you will again.

Irishembi said...

Someone else's grief should never belittle yours. Your emotion is your own and you are entitled to it (even though sometimes we'd prefer to be without it).

So my dear friend, mourning and grief are okay. A loss is a loss.

I wish I could give you a crystal ball to show you the other side of your heartache, but the only way to get there is through.

Hugs.