{NOTE: It took a tremendous amount of courage to write this post, but they always say that if you're sweaty and sick to your stomach before you hit publish, that's all the more reason to hit publish. This part of my life occurred over a year and a half ago, but the pain of that memory still sits in my heart. And I still miss him.}
Saturday, April 23, 2011
the two of us.
{NOTE: It took a tremendous amount of courage to write this post, but they always say that if you're sweaty and sick to your stomach before you hit publish, that's all the more reason to hit publish. This part of my life occurred over a year and a half ago, but the pain of that memory still sits in my heart. And I still miss him.}
from laura at 11:51 AM
i like to categorize: God stuff, love, people aren't as nice as i thought they were, the horror of my past life, the ross-a-tron, there is hope, this is based on a true story, this may be deep
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
vapor.
When I was staring at the ceiling this morning at 5:03 a.m., I wanted to scream. But I was too tired. And the sleepies in my eyes were heavy, just like my eyelids. So, instead, I screamed last night, as I leaned against my desk. I cried and sobbed and cursed and clenched my fists. Do you know that I questioned my worth last night? Because of your words? Because of your impersonal words typed up on a piece of letterhead paper, heavy with ink that was more dagger than liquid?
I questioned. my. worth.
Your initial silence was hard enough to bear. Waiting for some acknowledgment that I existed. And yet, it never came. I have given myself to you for 14 years. In more ways than one. I have been dedicated and steadfast and honorable. And yet, you treated me like nothing. Like the emptiness of emptiness.
Well I am not empty. I am full of so many good things. Things you will never get to see or feel or hear or learn from. That's right. Learn from. I could have taught you so much. In fact, that day we met, I did teach you something--something you didn't expect to learn. I solved a problem for you. Before we even had a commitment to each other. I solved a problem for you, because I care. Because I am honorable and good and am thinking of someone other than myself.
But you are not.
Your words. On that letterhead. The ink. Heavy like daggers.
Do you know that I burned your words? I skimmed them, they punctured me, and then I burned them. I took the match, struck it against the box, put the fire to your words and watched them burn into nothingness. Because that's what they're worth. Nothing.
But I am worth something.
{If I could escape through that window above, I would.}
from laura at 6:08 PM 3 lovely bits o' feedback.
i like to categorize: i have issues, i know i'm being cryptic, i'm a sucker, i'm grumpy, people aren't as nice as i thought they were, this may be deep, you're a jerk
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
i be on the tv.
If you've been following my blog for the past year or so, you know that I have an alter ego: Secret Agent L. That's right, I'm a secret agent. I go around the city of Pittsburgh and leave little acts of kindness and day-brightening for unsuspecting individuals to find. And I have over 1,700 Affiliated Agents in 8 countries who do the same thing. It's terribly fun.
When the national media picked up on my project, I was soon bombarded with invitations to do speaking engagements and various collaborations in an effort to spread the message of the importance of kindness and community. It has been tremendously rewarding.
This morning I was invited to be in KDKA's Pittsburgh Today Live to talk about the Secret Agent L Project in collaboration with the Allegheny County Library Association’s One Book One Community Program. It was a lot of fun, and I feel so honored to have been invited to be a part of today’s show. The One Book One Community Program has been a wonderful project I've been a part of for the past several months, as it promotes reading and community--two things I love! And this year's topic for the program? Kindness! I was asked to be the honorary kindness ambassador, and let me tell you: it has been incredible. I hope you'll check out their website and participate in this unique event! And I hope that you'll make intentional acts of kindness and community-building a part of your daily life!
with love from Pittsburgh,
Laura
from laura at 12:18 PM 1 lovely bits o' feedback.
i like to categorize: didn't you get the memo?, good peeps, i want you to like me, love, there is hope